The Mentality of a 19 year old
Success is everywhere in social media. We have seen many individuals who are rich and famous. But the ones who are making an impact to society are the ones who have made it, at a young age; as young as 14. When getting out of high school, many kids don’t know what they want to do in life. School barely teaches you how to survive in society and expects you to know everything. That is how I thought before but even though it may be through, it really depends on each individual. I remember being in high school and people at my age already having skills such as programming, woodworking, fixing cars and a people who can write a book. Those skills are good going forward if you are smart with it. While they were honing their skills, I was at home just focusing on schoolwork and playing videogames. I would finish any homework given and would barely study for test since it was easy. If I’m being honest, I thought I was being smart but in reality I was just making bad habits. I only later realized this and noticed that I was basically a talentless child.
Going back on the successful people, I have always envied people who are the same age as me and became really successful at a short time. While I was busy studying for tests that I didn’t really care, people have found ways to get money. I became really jealous of them since I am nothing. People who are also famous at age 30 or more, have also started pursuing careers at my age. An example would be famous athletes, actors, or people who make Youtube videos. This makes me feel like a total loser since I don’t really know what to do. I don’t have any aspirations about anything and I can’t seem to get the right mindset. It doesn’t help that I keep scrolling through social media and keep seeing these kids who are flexing their success and wealth; making myself feel miserable.
All of these factors is making myself feel an unaccomplished person. At 19, I already feel like, I have failed at life. Which is a bad mentality to have since I still have my 20s. During my 10s of life, I did nothing but fool around. Which obviously makes sense since I was still a child but the fact that I never once thought my own future, scares me. It also doesn’t help that my family has also never talked about it either. I was basically going solo in life, which I mean makes sense since no one in this world really cares about each other that much. We learn to be jealous, envious, and greedy but we never learn to be compassionate. We can be nice to one another but when it comes to topics that are hard such as life goals, people often are appalled to that question and would only give a half-hearted answer. I guess that is just how it is in life. You figure it on your own and hope that it works out in the end.
Losing my vision of the future and only thinking of dark and horrific things about how life can go wrong causes myself to not pursue anything. I feel like, I have been left behind while I was just goofing off and having fun. Looking back at it, I ask myself if it was worth it? The fun I had with people, that I don’t even talk to anymore, the memories I had, which I barely remember… was it all worth it? I don’t even know. Even so life moves on and I need to suck it up. I have been thinking about past events to the point of lunacy. What I could have done and what I could have done better. I keep recalling to the past, which blinds my future. My mind is too scared to think ahead so it creates delusional facts about the past that never happened. I pretend that I am a strong person that can fight anyone: a person who can cook any types food: a person who is good academically and can be good at anything. These delusions puts a strain in my brain causing myself to be demotivated to try anything new. When I have tried new things, I can’t do it the first time and automatically call quits. I compare myself to others and end up just sitting on the couch scrolling again.
These struggles, I feel like goes for almost everyone in the world. With constant media attention and this ideology of not being good enough is bad for people and myself. I need to get out of the bubble and start being optimistic about things and start enjoying the life I have been given.
