Feeling Alone in this World
I have recently started reading a book by Osamu Dazai “No Longer Human.” It is about a boy named Yozo who struggles to fit in with society; not just society but relating with other human beings overall. As I am writing I have not finished the book but I wanted to write things that I relate to Yozo. Not entirely since Yozo case is entirely not human but forcing himself being this “clown” so that he can make people laugh, so that he can hide his identity from others. He doesn’t make people laugh solely to wanting them to laugh but he thinks that being a “clown” is more appreciated in society rather than someone who is depressed and has issues about themselves. Yozo is too scared that someone is going find out about his true self which is that he cannot sympathize or feel any compassions with other human beings.
I can’t help but relate to Yozo but I can’t say that I am Yozo. Since obviously humans are different but it is the fact that Yozo goes too deep into not being a human. Humans are social beings and not being to socialize with others to the full extent is something only a few can do. People feel good when they are with people and can truly say that they are happy being others. But for Yozo case, he can’t.
That is one of the features that I deeply connect with Yozo. I had no friends in high school, not because people didn’t approach me or the people in my school was rude but it was due to myself not being socially connected with others. I need to change that. I started talking with old friends in middle school and getting along with them and actually asking personnel stuff in order to get closer. I started to learn how to care for others, and actually learning and using my voice.
Reading Dazai book made me realize that I don’t want to live like Yozu and that I need to become better person. Obviously Yozo has been like this since he was a child but I was not. I am acting like Yozo because I am stubborn and have forgotten what it was like to be happy. So therefore I cannot say I am Yozo. I was curious and more engaging as a child but my stubbornness of being alone and attention seeking made me break up a lot of important relationships in the past. I have realized that the others was not the problem but it was myself and this horrible way of beliefs of other people. I must appreciate that I don’t have any illness within me and that I can have control of my mind. I can be better than others and hopefully try to help others as I am doing with myself. Becoming a better person is a must now, since I can’t live alone forever. It will be a journey but a journey I am willing to take.
